- "If God seems far away, guess who moved?"
"My name is Lindsay Daniel, I'm currently a passenger of Chrysalis Flight 38; and I sit at the table of DOORS; which stands for Daughters Of the Only Risen Savior."
*CLAP*
This weekend, I experienced the most touching thing I ever have in my whole entire life. Atop a mountain with strangers, NO cell phone service whatsoever, no idea of what time it was- but more importantly, no DESIRE to know what time it was or what was going on down below me. I honestly thought of Ryan a total of maybe four times. Yes, I missed him tons, but I was SO focused on God and our relationship. I can't share too much about it due to the fact not everyone has been able to experience what I have, and it's meant to be kept secret unfortunately, however- once you go, you will understand. I highly highly HIGHLY recommend this conference to every single teenager that has ever lived. It is the most convicting yet heartwarming experience EVER. I truly cannot imagine something being more powerful than the way I felt this weekend while God was telling me to let go of everything.
The day before I went, I learned that my mom's cancer spread to her spine and possibly bowels, and she began having seizures and her left leg basically didn't work, and she has about twelve to eighteen months to live. You do not understand HOW devastating this is, regardless of what you say, before you say it. I felt mad at God, hurt, upset... spiritually abandoned. But this weekend, I learned to let it go. I learned I cannot blame myself for everything and that everything that goes wrong isn't because of ME. I learned that God is testing me right now- but later this will be part of a great testimony. I'm praying for a miracle and I hope all who see this will join me in this, please, and thank you in advance.
All in all, this weekend I learned who I am, and what I'm capable of. In several letters I received I was told I should take up Evangelism, and I'm highly considering it.
Also; I prayed for a sign from God, that He was with me. Just to know that I wasn't alone. And after leaving Ryan's last night, I seen a shooting star.
Therefore, I believe the Big Man upstairs is taking over.
...and I am perfectly fine with that.
Yesterday, after a night with two of my best friends- Jera Dunbar and Ambria Hites, I decided to accompany my sister to visit my dad, as I haven't done in over a year.
Everything is still as it was when I came last time... the same as it has been for as long as I can possibly remember. Same smell, same place for everything.. the only thing new is the blankets my grandma placed over her flowers because the news warned her to due to expected frost. But, along with the house being the same, so are the views of the two dimensionally mind of my father.. will he EVER learn? His sister has moved back into the basement of his parents house where he has spend 97% of his life, and she greatly needs Jesus. Thus, pray for that woman, and the whole family while your at it.
Mom was suppose to come down Sunday due to the fact it was Easter, a holiday always devoted to being with her and waiting all day to eat a famous dish she tried out. However, it was spent with Ryan's family half the day, and mine- minus mom- the other half, which leads me back to the beginning of this post.
Friday I go to Chrysalis, and I'm head over heels excited. I really feel like I need to go. I'm tired of being a back row Christian- although on Facebook I'm 'the model Christian'- or so that's what every 'Truth is' post lets on.
All in all, I'm ready for a change.. in more ways than the fact my grandparents' bathroom closet is in the same order it has been my whole life, and I still can't reach the stupid blow dryer that is on the top shelf.
I'm also ready to change...
- The relationship my brothers & me have- I wanna be closer to them.
- The fact I always let my room get in a mess..
- My Facebook addiction.
- My bad posture.
- My pale skin...
- Fighting with Ryan over his selfishness.
- Dad's problems.
- My oldest sister & me's relationship, which is currently nonexistent.
.....the past altogether.
But, you can't always have what you want, I guess.
Blah. For some reason I'm completely drawn to getting on Ryan's Facebook even though I know I shouldn't, and then I always end up getting hurt by seeing some conversation he had with some girl. I mean, yeah, were young & I shouldn't be so jealous, but I mean taking your shirt off on webcam for two girls..? UH YEAH, PROBLEM THERE PRETTY BOY. -_-
BUT. Forgive & forget, right? I just have to keep in mind that the Bible says Love keeps no record of wrong.. but I should also keep that in mind on the topic of mom, dad, Brooke, and basically the rest of the family, too.
Sigh, take me back, kindergarten?
- World Hunger.
- Talks about the end of the world..
- Math. ALL math.
- Being the only one who cares about my grades.
- My 6th grade school year..
- Ryan's mood swings.
- Boys, in general.
- School starting so early.
- etc..
I feel like a total abandoner since I haven't write on here in forever... so I'll try to fill you in as much as I can.. but I jump around alot. :)
First off- I attended KUNA! I got an outstanding ambassador award, and we got best native attire! My country also got best proposal<3 I was so proud.
Second.... me and Ryan are.. wow. I love him more with everyday that passes. Yesturday he came over and we were faced with a decision... to do something that would change our relationship entirely.. and we didn't do it. I was so proud of him.. He's becoming more grown up everyday.
Today, Chelsea Polston told me she liked him and then asked me not to tell him, then she asked me if I thought he liked her that way?! Really?!
Jared has leukemia again.. I wanna be here for him more than anything.. but I'm scared. Because last time I let him down... He only has a 10% chance of surviving WITH treatment.. and he's not getting treatment this time.
All we can do is pray..
Sigh.
I love my life.
Except the fact I got my phone taken for telling mom she acted like Hitler.. Only because she was. :)
Today I went to see Alice In Wonderland with Ryan and Nikki; it was amazing. (: Ambria's a great Alice.
Then we went back to their house, and then church and Wendy's, then home. ):
Church was interesting, because I asked Ryan if he had ever been saved and he said yes. But I haven't been yet.. It was awkward. I haven't been, though, because I know I'm gonna make tons more mistakes, especially with being a teenager. I don't want to continually let God down, and get saved more than once. I'll know when it's my time, and I don't believe it's right now. I know God has plans for me- great plans- and getting saved isn't one of them just yet. I'm 14, and many challenges and obsticles lay ahead of me. I have accepted God as my personal savior, just not in church, just yet.
I may be wrong for doing this, but it is my life- and I've been wrong before.
